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BABY LOSS AWARENESS WEEK 2018 // BREAK THE SILENCE

BREAK THE SILENCE

Baby loss awareness week

9th – 15th October 2018

 

I write this post as tears begin to flood my eyes. Warm, salty tears rolling down my cheeks, streaking the make-up mask I wear daily to keep me feeling/looking/seeming normal. To plaster a happy face over my sad one. This very time last year I was recovering from the ERPC operation that physically ended my miscarriage.

A whole year on, mentally, it’s still very raw, it’s still very fresh, it still very much hurts. A whole year on, I’m still longing for – unashamedly needing to have my arms full with a newborn son or daughter, a brother or sister for Eli. My heart aches. When you lose a child, at any stage, you are left haunted by wonder. Wonder who they might have been. That’s what makes it so hard to move on…

It’s been such a long time since we started trying for our second child – our journey began back in March 2017. And here I am, sat at my laptop around 580 days (thats 19 months, in new money, not that I’m keeping check) later – still wishing, still hoping, still feeling huge pangs of guilt because I’m covertly jealous of women that I spot with a beautiful bump; or those with a new babe in arms. It’s easily taking up the majority of my thinking throughout my day – not to mention rudely interrupting my sleep too. Tell me I’m not the only one who dreams mosts nights about parenting a brand new bebé?!

Never would I have imagined it would be such a long, drawn out process. I’m not just talking about the physical aspect of miscarriage – because that definitely sucks and takes ages to recover from too – but the mental heartbreak.

As I’m sat typing this, many other women, couples, families are also going through it too. Around the world. As I’ve mentioned many times, 1 in 4 of us will go through it at some point. 1 in 4 of you have been there. You too know the physical pain, the emotional pain.

Miscarriage and baby loss does not discriminate, it can happen to anyone. It is not rare. So, I wanted to write a blog post dedicated to you, as today marks the beginning of Baby Loss Awareness Week 2018; which is held annually, globally, to remember those very tiny lives lost in pregnancy and soon after birth. The week will culminate with the annual Wave of Light on Monday 15th October at 7pm. See further details below.

I’m not sure how else to say it – but thank you for all the kindness shown to us over the past year. For listening and sharing.  365 days on, I’m still overwhelmed by the messages and and I’ll never forget it.

I’m an over-sharer by nature, sometimes to my own detriment, but mostly,  apart from this whole blogging process being cathartic for me, I also wanted to share because thats how we learn. We learn from others’ experiences. What I found, was that Pregnancy & Baby Loss was exceptionally un-talked about. It’s 2018 and this is still seen as taboo and very private – is that a British thing? Or is this the opinion people have worldwide? It’s crazy, don’t you think? Not to talk and share openly? To grieve and take time to do so.

In general, I am ridiculously British about things – I’m pretty naive, I’m pretty prudish. I get bashful at the mention of S-E-X. But THIS, this, I NEED to talk about. I also need you to talk out too. SO! Let’s get together to break the silence of miscarriage & baby loss during this, Baby Loss Awareness Month.

I’d like to propose that my blog serves as a platform for you to be able to share with me… and importantly, with others too. If your experience has proven too difficult to talk about openly, I am more than happy to publish stories anonymously. Whatever works for you – just PLEASE talk. Though I’m certainly not known for being concise,  yours does not have to be lengthy – just a few words from the heart to help yourself and others heal. It will definitely be a comfort and support for those reading – whilst also being therapeutic for yourself. Personally? I have found true solace in these online realms. I can’t be the only one?!

You can contact me via the comments below, FB & IG private direct messages or via email: claire[at]clairebriston.com

C
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BABY LOSS AWARENESS WEEK // EVENTS

Charities such as the below also have ways to get involved this week, in support for Baby Loss Awareness Week. Events that (are known) you can join are listed on the Baby Loss Awareness site, here.

Online events

  • 9 October 8 pm Join a webinar in the comfort of your own home: Baby Loss, Miscarriage and Stillbirth. With Dr Raj Rai – Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic, St Mary’s HospitalSign up here
  • 15 October 7 – 7:30 pm Online Wave of Light Group Meditation Further information here

Parliamentary activity & events (invitation only)

England

  • 8-12 October: Display in Upper Waiting Hall in House of Commons, Westminster, on pregnancy and baby loss and the National Bereavement Care Pathway.
  • 9 October: Debate in House of Commons
  • 11 October: Event sponsored by the All Party Parliamentary Group on Baby Loss in the House of Commons to raise awareness of baby loss with MPs, followed by a remembrance service for MPs, peers and parliamentary staff.

Scotland

  • 3 October: Event in Scottish Parliament

Wales

  • 3 October: Debate in Welsh Assembly
  • 10 October: Candle Event sponsored by Mark Drakeford AM at Main Hall, The Pierhead, Cardiff

 

IMPOSSIBLY BRILLIANT HELP & SUPPORT NETWORKS // THERE FOR YOU 24/7

TOMMY’S

1 in 4 parents will have to go through the heartbreak of losing a child during pregnancy or birth. We need your help to stop these tragic deaths. Please join Team Tommy’s and help us find answers and cures.

Losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy is a devastating experience. It is hard to believe that in this day and age, up to one in four women will lose a baby during pregnancy or birth.

Tommy’s exists to change the unacceptable statistics connected to baby loss.

Thanks to the support of our incredible community, our research has lead to a reduced stillbirth rate of 22% in Greater Manchester between 2010 and 2014 and a 23% reduction in premature births in high risk women attending our London clinic during 2014-15.

Learn more about the impact of our work here: http://bit.ly/2we9Cvk#Babyloss

DONATE >> Make a donation to Tommy’s, The Baby Charity.

THE MISCARRIAGE ASSOCIATION

Stories of good care
During Babyloss Awareness Week this year, the 40 participating charities and groups are calling for improved care following the loss of a baby during pregnancy, or during or shortly after birth.

As part of this campaign, we are asking people to share their experiences of good care they have received, perhaps from a midwife, sonographer, friend or colleague. If you would like to get involved, please email a story of less than 150 words to babyloss@sands.org.uk, copying us in on awareness@miscarriageassociation.org.uk.

You can find more details on the Babyloss Awareness Week website.

Wave of light this Monday
Last year we made a special video slideshow using hundreds of candles that lit up our Facebook page in memory of babies lost far too soon. If you’d like yours included this year, please add a note ‘For the video’ when you upload a picture.

While Baby Loss Awareness Week can be a special time of remembering and speaking about loss, we understand that it can also evoke painful memories. If you need to talk, please feel free to call our helpline on on 01924 200 799 (Monday – Friday9 a.m – 4 p.m) or see our website for other ways we offer support.

DONATE >> Make a donation to The Miscarriage Association

BABY LOSS AWARENESS

Share your experience – this could be by telling a friend about Baby Loss Awareness Week, talking about your experience or wearing a Baby Loss Awareness pin badge. You could also use our specially designed social media images on your website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, work intranet or noticeboard.

DONATE >> Make a donation to Babyloss Awareness.

SANDS – STILLBIRTH AND NEONATAL DEATH CHARITY

Sands is the stillbirth and neonatal death charity. We operate throughout the UK, supporting anyone affected by the death of a baby, working to improve the care bereaved parents receive, and promoting research to reduce the loss of babies’ lives.

Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, was founded in 1978 by a small group of bereaved parents who were devastated by the death of their babies, and by the total lack of acknowledgement and understanding of the significance and impact of their loss.

DONATE >> Make a donation to SANDS.

THE LULLABY TRUST

The Lullaby Trust provides emotional support for bereaved families, promotes expert advice on safer baby sleep and raises awareness of sudden infant death.

Working with the NHS, we run a national health-visitor led service for bereaved parents, Care of Next Infant (CONI) programme, which supports families before and after the birth of their new baby.

We are committed to supporting research to understand why so many babies a year die suddenly and unexpectedly in the UK and to find out more about how to prevent these tragic deaths.

The Lullaby Trust operates nationwide across England, Wales and Northern Ireland. We run an information line for parents and professionals (0808 802 6869) and a dedicated line for bereaved families (0808 802 6868). Both are free to call from landlines and mobiles.

We campaign tirelessly, lobbying government to keep sudden infant death on the public health agenda. Since we formed as The Foundation for the Study of Sudden Infant Deaths (FSID) in 1971 we have been pivotal in reducing sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) by over 80%.

DONATE >> Make a donation to The Lullaby Trust

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BABY LOSS AWARENESS 2018 // MARKS & SPENCER

BABY LOSS AWARENESS WEEK // 9TH – 15TH OCTOBER 2018

As we’re now into October (HOW? I know how, but seriously, HOW?!), I thought I would address a few things. But mainly this blog post is in support of a few items that Marks & Spencer have created in aid of raising awareness this Baby Loss Awareness Week (and month).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 4th October, just before Baby Loss Awareness Week 2018 begins, will be poignant for me as it’s a year to the day that my miscarriage finally came to an end (after beginning in the August of 2017).  Although, it doesn’t ever really ‘end’ really, does it?

A year of all the emotions. A year of wondering and wishing. A year of new and desperate hope.

Every year we will continue to acknowledge the baby that never landed in our arms, by joining in with the Wave of Light, annually, on 15th October.

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The death of a baby is not a rare event. It can happen to anyone.

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*Every year, thousands of people in the UK are affected by the death of a baby or experience pregnancy loss. With the shocking statistic that it will personally affect 1 in 4 of us.

A collaboration between more than 60 charities across the UK, Baby Loss Awareness Week is held from 9th to 15th October to raise awareness about the key issues affecting those who have experienced pregnancy loss or baby death in the UK.

Throughout the week bereaved parents, their families and friends, unite with each other and others across the world to commemorate the lives of babies who died during pregnancy, at or soon after birth and in infancy.

Now in its 16th year, Baby Loss Awareness Week calls for tangible improvements in research, care and policy around bereavement support and highlights bereavement support and services available for anyone affected by the death of a baby at any stage.

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With all this in mind, Marks & Spencer have collaborated and created three items to support raising awareness of such a worthy cause.

Pure Cotton Baby Loss Awareness T-Shirt
M&S // BABY LOSS AWARENESS TEE //
£9.50
Pure Cotton Baby Loss Awareness T-Shirt
M&S // BABY LOSS AWARENESS TEE //
£9.50

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

M&S // BABY LOSS AWARENESS CANDLE // £6.00

Amy Mott specially designed the t-shirt, is a buyer at M&S and has been personally affected by baby loss:

“Having been affected by baby loss I wanted to break the silence around the issue and get everyone talking about baby loss during the awareness week. My design on the T-shirt and candle is a meaningful tribute of the everlasting love that is felt for a baby and can be worn in support of this fantastic platform that offers advice and acts as a support network”.

M&S will also be donating £15,000 to help support Baby Loss Awareness Week. For more information, please visit babyloss-awareness.org.

Whether you’ve been affected by the loss of a baby, you know someone who has, or you wish to spread the message and show your support, this Baby Loss Awareness candle and other candles will be uniting the world through social media on 15th October, in the name of the many babies who lit up our lives for just a short moment. Use the hashtag’s #WaveofLight, #BLAW2018 to share your love and support.

Thank you to Marks and Spencer for supporting Baby Loss Awareness Week. These specially designed t-shirts and the candle are now available to purchase online. Thank you for helping us to break the silence around pregnancy and continue the #babyloss conversation.

*words & statistics taken from https: //babyloss-awareness.org


Read more from my journey:

Miscarriage & Me
Miscarriage & Me // An Update
Miscarriage & Me // An Update: 2
Miscarriage & Me // An Update: 3
Baby Loss Awareness Week 2017 // Break the silence
Miscarriage & Me // An Update: 4
JULY 2018:  Miscarriage & Me // An Update: 5
AUGUST 2018: Miscarriage & Me // A letter to myself | Hi-Mama Letters

Support networks:

Baby Loss Awareness 
The Miscarriage Association
Tommy’s, The Baby Charity
Cruse, Bereavement Care
SANDS, Stillbirth & Neonatal Charity

 

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MISCARRIAGE & ME // AN UPDATE: 5

“The thing you’re most afraid to write…. write that”.

Following the horrendous confirmation, that I was in fact, miscarrying what should have been our second child; I wrote my first blog post: Miscarriage & Me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I was exhausted, but could not sleep. “I’m fine” was the biggest lie (and probably still is!) and most-used words that I spoke. Bashing my feelings out on the keyboard of my laptop; my experiences of our Miscarriage – and being 100% honest, no matter how gruesome –  was what I was afraid to write. Because writing it made it all the more real. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t in denial of what was happening – it was just so  bloody surreal. But I am so glad I did get it all typed up. Not only was the process of writing the blog posts cathartic AF, but they actually helped people. Who knew the internet could be such a lovely place, in such dark times?

Today marks one year since we finally saw the words we so wanted to see. Pregnant 1-2 weeks popped up on that Clear Blue Digital Pregnancy Test (other tests are available… ).

ONE WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR.

365 days of trying to remember the much-wanted baby… and trying to let go, simultaneously.

I have been thinking a lot about the evolution of moving on from experiences in a healthy way. There was a time in my life when I tried to get over things by justifying them or bribing myself to accept certain things because “it could be way worse.” Then there were the times I spent trying dissect every little piece of something, hoping that if I could break it apart into small enough pieces I could maybe take those pieces and build it into something other than what it was. Right Now, I practice
@cleowade

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So, hows it all going? During the horror of miscarriage, I thought we’d never try again. It really hurt me in a way I didn’t think I could ever be hurt. It hurt both of us. Well, I’m finally feeling well enough, physically, to try again. I KNOW (!!!) Cycle-wise, it’s a bit all over the place still. I have ALWAYS been a 28-day cycle girl. Always. Even once my periods returned after having Eli, it was straight back to 28 days. Since my ERPC however, they’ve been a bit all over… 28-34 days seems to be the norm. My latest cycle being 31 days. They’re still beyond painful though, so nothing ever changes there! So do I need ovulation kits?! Or do we just wing it?! I feel really quite naive all of a sudden… any help would be greatly received with regards to this. I do remember we did the “Temping Method” when we were trying for Eli, but tbh, I cba with that!

Mentally, how’s it going? That’s another story. The mental battle of ‘trying again after loss’, is a cruel mistress. The battle of so desperately wanting to hold our own second child in our arms, rather than just in our hearts is, thinking about all that could go wrong… well, it’s pretty heart-wrenching. I’m scared. I’m really bloody scared. I have so many ‘what if?’ scenario’s going on, that I’m making myself dizzy. And quite tearful when I think about how things could well go. We haven’t even ‘tried’ yet and I’m already beside myself with worry. I’m guessing that’s normal though – for trying for that all elusive Rainbow Baby – even if you weren’t a born worrier to begin with! The fact Eli so desperately wants a baby brother or sister is very encouraging though, it’s certainly helped the process along. And I know he’s going to make THE BEST big brother, ever <3

So, what’s the whole point of this blog post?

Well, I wanted to just give myself a little reminder that, 365 days ago, we were so ecstatically happy. And we can be again, I know we can.

And if you’re going through the same pain of Miscarriage, but  can’t find the words to speak out loud…try bashing them out on the computer keyboard instead. There is ALWAYS someone there to listen, to offer help and support. Especially if you use such amazing resources like Tommy’s or The Miscarriage Association,

Sometimes the words, they come… sometimes they don’t. And for everything in-between, I have to acknowledge my favourite poet, Rupi Kaur, who is just a genius when it comes to getting the perfect collection of words together for you.

@Rupikaur_

 

Peace & Love

C
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