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PREGNANCY & ME // UPDATE: 1

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A few weeks back we had our 20 week scan and we’re ridiculously excited to say, we’re having a baby GIRL! 🖤🖤🖤

An ACTUAL baby girl! ⚡️🖤✌️

I’m almost 23 weeks pregnant now and still feeling waves of disbelief that I have a little girl growing super well inside me. But believe me when I say, we would have been happy either way. Especially considering how long it’s taken to get to this point – a healthy baby is all we wish for.

Eli has been desperate for a sibling for as long as I can remember now and he will be the BEST Big Bro, we just know it. He reckons his little sister is going to be “annoying” but we know he’s happy deep down 😂 Oh and he refused to have his photo taken with the scan of his little sister (!!!) because he was down with the pox 🙈

I always vowed that if we had a girl, I wouldn’t be into dressing her in all that pink stuff! Well, when I said that, I might have been lying because so far, all I have bought is PINK! Ha. It’s all just too cute though man!

The pictured Big Bro Tee is from the gorgeous @lennieandco; which we bought it ahead of our last pregnancy in 2017. It’s been sat in Eli’s wardrobe, waiting for a happy baby announcement since. Incidentally, the 20 week scan that we had, was originally scheduled to be Friday 15th March – which was our due date for my second pregnancy. It would have could have been a 1st birthday for that pregnancy🌈 I had to get the date changed. It just didn’t seem ‘right’.  It all feels a little bit happy sad🖤
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TODAY // 15th March 2019

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Today is 15th March. The due date given for our second pregnancy✨
Today could have/would have/should have (???) been a first birthday for a little one we will never hold. A little one we will never meet. A little one who gave us hope and dreams.

Having had such wonderful news at the 20 week scan of our third pregnancy on Tuesday; it’s safe to say this week I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions. Pregnancy after loss is such a tricky and confusing and emotional time to try and navigate your way through. Happiness and sadness. Guilt? It’s a weird one. But I’m allowing myself to feel all of the feelings.

I know a few of my friends IRL and on here are going through a tough time this week. So this page from @rupikaur_’s “Milk and Honey” is for you too. Do not resist giving yourself space and time to think – to grieve – to feel anger, hurt, pain and happiness too.

If you can’t see the image above, the verse reads:

it is part of the

human experience to feel pain

do not be afraid

open yourself to it

– evolving

 

I’m allowing myself to remember today. But also to breathe the relief in that I have a beautiful, healthy 🌈 baby, wriggling inside me right now. And I’ve never felt more lucky 🌿

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OH HEY BABY // BRISTON-HILL BABE – Due Summer 2019 🌿

“If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain.”

 

― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

 

 

OH HEY BABY! 🌿

It’s been nice carrying this wondrous little secret for the last 13 weeks & 1 day, but it felt even better seeing this 🌈 baba doing somersaults at our 12 week scan, last Friday! ✨

This isn’t the first scan we had during this pregnancy though. As this is a pregnancy after loss, I was given a scan at what we thought was 7-8 weeks. The measurements however tallied up to being more like 6 weeks, though a strong heartbeat could be seen. While this was a relief to see such a teeny, tiny flickering heart beat, I couldn’t stop feeling anxious that something wasn’t right. Was the baby not growing adequately? How could my dates not be right? We’d been doing Ovulation Tests as it took so much longer to conceive this time (I’ll be writing a post on this later). James tried to reassure me with lots of logical explanations for all of my worries. Then I went back into my pregnancy app (I use the FLO Heath app for Apple which iPhone Health) and realised that my dates were a week out, d’oh. And so the baby brain begins!

 

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Can we just talk about the difference in the scans?! The 12 week scan dates this baby to be 12 weeks & 6 days. The first scan dates the baby to be around 6 weeks. So in 6 weeks, a whole baby has completely formed and I find it so extraordinary. To see the baby bouncing around in my tummy with two hands and two legs and a whole spine and ribs and heart and brain and NOSE. It’s just so magical and I don’t think I will ever get over how amazing a sight that is.

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3 months have slowly gone by, filled with a heccuva lot of nausea (way worse than Eli), the biggest food aversions to everything, ever (way worse than Eli), tiredness (way worse than Eli), major anxiety (way worse than Eli) and my heart filled with an insane amount of hope (just like with Eli)💫

Our new little babe has the same due date we were given with Eli too – so that’s been LOLs😂

Eli is ridiculously excited to be a big brother – and has been looking after me like a proper little boss!🖤 Oh and @jameshill.tv is pretty made up too 🥰

So for now, 2019 – let’s do this! ✌🏼
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